Tuesday, February 24, 2009

What the hay?

Okay, so I just posted this great up beat entry.  Thrilled about the soccer team, and how well they are doing.  Basically on a high, thinking life ain't so bad.  It is amazing how it can turn so ugly!  Testing my abilities as a good Mother, are my wonderful teenage kids.  When Dad's away, the kids will play with Mom.  The game isn't always fair though.  

This morning was very good.  I took the boy's to their tutor, which normally turns out to be a big argument by the end of the session.  She told me that she was very proud of the boys, and that they really worked hard today.  I thought to myself, finally, now we are getting somewhere.   We had a great conversation on the drive back to school, laughing and joking all the way.  Then I got home. 
My oldest has moved back in, and it has been quite an adjustment for both of us.  She is used to doing what she wants, and I'm used to telling her what is best.  That never makes for good conversation at the end of the day.  I'm harsh, I'll admit, and I need to back off.  This always ends up with the volcano effect, and you mothers know exactly what I am talking about.  It's going to erupt sooner or later.  I opted for later, and kept myself busy getting a video done.

We had a nice dinner, and my two oldest went out.  Cat and the boys did what homework they had, and then a little free time.  At 9:00, they read.  Sound reasonable right.  Not to Sasha.   That is when the night went horribly wrong.  He sat in Cat's chair and made it his own.  Cat got mad, and I took her side.  She just got up for a drink.  He said that Cat can sit somewhere else!  "Really, your serious?"  I made him get up and find another spot to read.  He was bugged, but did it.  When he was done, he went to his room and found that his dresser was gone.  He came running down the stairs stating "Mom. my dresser, where?  

I reminded him that Maddie had asked both of them, if she could use it yesterday.  He and Artem, told her she could.  "Yeah, but that was just two drawers!"  Of course this is highly unfair, because you know, I am now favoring my girls again, and it's not fair to the boys that come from a different land.  I was telling him how we can work it out.  He just turned walked away from me.  I told him to come back.   Nothing. I heard him down the hall.  Again, Sasha come back here while I'm talking to you!  Nothing!  I hear him going up the stairs.  At this point I'm yelling, Sasha come back here!  I hear him upstairs heading towards his room.  (Remember that volcano that I so reasonably saved for later?  Yeah........

I let him have it (verbally, of course)  He sat there and took it.  Every word bouncing off him like a rubber ball banging against my forehead.   I told him the small about of underwear and PJ's that he kept in that dresser, can easily fit into his closet with no problem.  He jumps up and said good.  With that he went in his closet, took some box's out that were Maddie's, and some other stuff I had stored in there.  (They each have a big closet by the way, which isn't even nearly full)  He started handing me stuff, and I gladly took it out.  Then he handed me a shoe box.  I asked what was in it.  He said that it didn't matter, it wasn't his.  I opened it to find all of the letters we had written to them while they were in Ukraine.  Shocked, I asked him if he really wanted them thrown out?  "Yes, I don't need them anymore.  You see, no problem!"  Talk about a knife through your heart.  I calmly asked him again, if he was sure.  He said he was, and I said fine.  They are just papers.  Talk about being spiteful, but OUCH!  That hurt!  

Going to bed angry is not a good thing.  I just didn't know what else to do.  Of course, he is sleeping soundly, while I'm up at three o'clock in the morning surfing the internet!  I have been sick for more then a week, with little sleep at night.  I need sleep.  I have compared this adoption thing with having a baby.  I waited more then 9 months to get them here, and now I have to stay up at night with them.  The funny thing with Sasha is, that he will forget all about this in the morning, and I will carry it the rest of the week.  Mostly in the bags under my eyes. 

Oh, kids can do so many heinous things to you, but I guess that's what makes us who we are.  MOMS!       


Janae said...

I read your story in the Deseret News. I am impressed with your desire to adopt these boys and give them all your love. I can only imagine how tough it will be, as well as rewarding. I only have little ones.

I was especially interested since I served a mission in Russia. Some families in my neighborhood hosted children through this same program. I was able to translate for them at Church. It was a neat experience to talk with them. While on my mission we spent a lot of time volunteering in the orphanages. There were so many kids I would have loved to scoop up and take home!

A friend had this posted on their blog and I thought you might enjoy it.


It is a song about a child in China waiting for his new family to come get him.

Brooke said...

Arri, My mom keeps us posted on all the things going on in your life - I'm just a rat for not keeping in better touch. I'm so sorry for the trying times in the Rogers' House. I've had a grown child move back home and I have a 16 year old. I love them both to death but it's not easy sometimes. It took Aaron moving 3000 miles away for me to have a close relationship with him.

I brought something up with Nick today and he said, "Mom, not again, today". They never take into consideration the things they have done to prompt the necessary conversation.

I really admire you for listening to your promptings and acting on them. I know those boys feel blessed to be in your home and part of such a great family.

Hang in there! I can relate to the late nights.



The Dizzy Daizy said...

Hi there, my daughter's teacher sent me a link to your blog. We adopted 10 & 11 year old girls from Russia 2 years ago, and I can only say, hang in there! I know the roller coaster you're riding & it's not easy.
In some ways the 1st year was easier, because their English wasn't great, so we weren't fully aware of the extent of the girls attachment issues and delays, in fact we didn't think they had any problems in those areas, and it wasn't until their English was good that new problems surfaced.
On the other hand, the 1st year was so difficult in sorting out the new family dynamics. The girls always thought we favored our bio. kids (2 of which are the same age). Those complaints constantly came up and drove me nuts.
It's never easy, you just do your best for them!

mcjenn said...

totally understand Arri. And the volcano erupting, for me whenever it erupted later, the child who didn't deserve it got the eruption. Why do we take the things they do so personally? It is tough. I keep telling myself Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personally) usually doesn't work, as Moms we have too much invested. You are a great mom, and I know how hard it is having older difficult ones move back. On top of everything else and being sick. Go to bed and lock the door. :-)

hale said...

Aaagh...that kid! Emotional black mail!!! You are the perfect mom for him!!!